When Dreams Collide
I have spent a lot of years trying to understand the many
different twists to relationships, especially mine. All of my relationships
have been wrought with challenges and turmoil that has caused all except the
current one to fail, and this one has been close. For most of that time I have
survived on the fact that it was the fault of others, and therefore was trying
for figure out how to make it work in the light of their challenges. Each and
every time things moved forward to a point of no return. A point where things
literally came to a dead end, where nothing could move forward. As John Gottman
stated in his book, The Seven Principles
for Making Marriage Work, “All couples have some irreconcilable
differences. But when partners can’t find a way to accommodate these perpetual
disagreements, the result is gridlock. When couples gridlock over issues, the
image that comes to my mind is of two opposing fists. Neither can make any
headway in getting the other to understand and respect their perspective, much
less agree with it”. This is a perfect explanation of what always seemed to
happen with the relationships I have been in, and every one of them ended. But
why do we dig in our heels and resist to the point of gridlock? 
One thing that Gottman mentions is there is usually a deeper
personal reason for what it is we are wanting. Our expectation, or dream, is
usually developed on the foundation of something in our histories. Gottman
explains, “By dreams I mean the hopes, aspirations, and wishes that are part of
your identity and give purpose and meaning to your life” 
To go along with the understanding and respect in these
situations, there is another thing that must be included at this time. This
thing is discussed by H. Wallace Goddard in his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage he points out that the absence of
charity can cause a selfish outlook, and therefore cause neglect in the
relationship. However, we must be careful to truly understand what is involve
in charity, that just going out and being nice is not the entire depth of
charity. He states, “In an effort to understand charity, it is important to
know what it is NOT. It is not artificial good cheer. It is not a thin veneer
of politeness on a distressed soul. It is not holding our tongues while judging
and resenting others. Rather it is a sacred and heavenly gift”. Moroni, the
Book of Mormon prophet taught “but charity is the pure love of Christ, and it
endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall
be well with him” (Moroni 7:47). This is clear that charity is not a mortal
thing, but emulates all that Christ is. In our triangular marriage with Christ,
should not charity be at the very forefront of the relationship? Truly
understating and respecting our partners deep set dreams is but charity at its
core.
Works Cited
1. John
M. Gottman, PH.D., and Nan Silver. The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work. New York : Harmony Books, 2015.
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