Mars Is Too Cold

Many years ago I knew a young man that was raised in a home that was very emotionally charged and challenging. The mother was a woman that was very domineering and tried to control every aspect of the young boy’s life. This would include the way he believed and what he thought. This young boy started to resist the influence of his mother to try to allow himself some individualism and self-thought. He began to lack trust in people and would become angry and defensive if he thought he was being influenced at all. This all stemmed from negative influence during his childhood. This young man, now an adult, is now struggling greatly in his marriage mainly because he, as he puts it, “does not like to be told what to do”. Is this young man a lost cause? Will he have no hope to a happy and satisfying relationship?

John Gottman believes the resistance to influence by men is one of the larger reasons for marital strife and conflict. In his book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work Gottman points out that though men have a natural instinct to do things on their own and now allow anyone to influence them, that it is important and critical to respect your spouse enough to listen to their point of view and heed their advice. In Genesis it is taught, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (1). How do you become one flesh and not consider the intuition and advice from your spouse? I for one, do not think it is possible. President Howard W. Hunter was very clear when he said, “For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion” (2). I think it is clear that we, as men, are not meant to carry the full weight of the family or the relationship. We need to learn to learn to yield to our wives and become emotionally intelligent husbands.

This is something that I personally have experience with. I am one of those that used to resist my wife and her emotional counsel. I learned, however, that when I don’t include her and emotionally connect with her that she becomes reduced to less than what she should be in the relationship, and this is unacceptable in a relationship. When I came to this realization I tried to change myself to do better. I have found when I honestly and diligently work on emotionally connecting with her, rather than against her, that each of us grow closer together. By being open and inviting to her emotionally encourages her to open up and return the sentiment, fueling the fires of cleaving. I must admit, it has been very nice being able to work with her in peace rather than trying to convince her, or her convincing me. I can testify that when you come together and work in a Godly way that all can be accomplished, and with two calm and spiritually influenced hearts and minds we can truly be the ones to accomplish those things. Husbands, yield to the emotional mindset of your wife. Don’t be one of the 81% that Gottman says is damaging the marriage, ultimately leading to the disillusion of the marriage. Many believe in the book title by John Gray, Ph.D., Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and honestly that is fine. It is no secret that men and women are inherently different, some would argue opposites. However, to that I only have one piece of advice for the men. Learn to live on Venus, Mars is too far from the warmth of the Sun. Learn to live in the emotional warmth and completion ability of your spouse, anything else is too far from the warmth of happiness and God.

Works Cited

1. Genesis 2:24. The Bible.

2. Hunter, Howard W. Being a Righteous Husband and Father. Ensign. November 1994.

Photo Credit:
http://counselingcenter.org/2016/12/29/guide-psychological-emotional-growth-following-separation-divorce-couples-counseling-westchester-ny/