Marriage and Commitment
The past couple of weeks I have had the opportunity to contemplate
marriage, and its meaning to me. Which, as well, must lead into the stability
of marriage and whither divorce is a correct or healthy course to take in times
of marital challenge. For me, personally, these two things are very closely
intertwined. I was married, the first time, when I was barely 21-years-old and
it had all the hallmarks of an ill planned marriage. Contention was a regular
visitor and sadly it ended in divorce. Since then I have remarried and have
learned a great deal about myself, which has caused me to wonder about marriage
and its purpose and importance.
As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints (LDS) it is clear to me that first and foremost the marriage is
between one man and one woman, and is for the purpose of rearing a family. The
LDS church reinforced this to the world when it taught, “We, the First
Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is
ordained of God and that the family
is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children” and “The
family is ordained of God”
Even though marriage has a wonderful purpose, so many are
choosing to leave the marriage at the first sign of trouble and seek a divorce. Reflecting on my own failed
marriage, and honestly troubles in my current marriage, I decided to try to
understand what is lacking in marriage today. There have been many
studies that show percentages of those divorced and the reasons for those
actions. However, I have noticed a single thing that many, if not
all, of these marriages do not have. I have noticed there is no longer a solid
commitment to the marriage, or to the partner in the marriage. This was my observation of my own marriage as well. There was sense of self-protection and
divorce was the easiest way to deal with the many challenges. The largest problem I found with
decisions like this is there is always someone that becomes the victim, who should not be, and most of the time was never intended to be a victim, and
those are the children.
Children are the unwilling victims of parent’s lack of
commitment to the relationship. Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve
Apostles said this, “Think of the children. Because divorce separates the
interests of children from the interests of their parents, children are it
first victims” (Oaks, 2007) . When we commit to
the marriage, and our spouse, we ultimately commit to the children of the union
as well, and commitment is work. The Holy Bible teaches, “Therefore shall a man
leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall
be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24) . Cleaving is not
achieved just because you have chosen to marry, it is only achieved by hard
work, sacrifice, service, and charity. These are the attributes of commitment,
and commitment is what is needed to build a strong marriage, and our children will benefit greatly by the married couples who stays together.
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